Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Vendor Fever ... (listening to Humpin')

Pues ... those who say that immigrants add to the entrepreneur espirito aren't pinche kidding ... with the pinche rains and all ... the pinche frio, wet and windy weather didn't keep sanTana vendors off the pinche calles ... chale ... you'd think that with all that chingow wett ayer plus that chinga of wind that most laborers would have been at their chantes eating their lunches by 10am ... que no ... maybe in most lugares ... but en sanTana, our daily laborers AKA vendors were hitting the calles como locos ... by the way, gueys .. we're all LABOUR ...

Simon ... I was shining my pinche spit shiners, getting ready to meet LA PUPPET for dinner, as the rain frego my pinche casa when I heard the BELL ... simon ... the bell rang like menso ... and I thought "CHALE, not today" ... orale then a second later the snow-cone vendor cruised by ... I couldn't resist so for a buck I bought a cone with fresh limon/lemon juice ...

About half hour later, I was delenting my brown khakis entonces I heard the HORN ... ondale, honk, honk, honk ... the vato siempre squeezes the bell bola tres veces ... drives me loco ... simon, it was the nut/fried onion strips/chips/cotton candy vato ... simon ... the nuts are splattered with chili peppper and as you buy them, MY FRIEND will open your bolsa and ESQUEEZE limon all over your nuts and SHAKE THEM to the max ... AAYYYY MANUELA ...

Onale ... so within a three hour period ... 4 vendors cruised by ... along with three ice-cream trucks .. even the vato whose lic plate frame reads "PLAY IN MY VAN" cruised by ... along with la senora who sells me a mixed six-pack of sodas for $2 ... most popular vendor ayer was the corn vata, with worms ... esta bonita butt she always looks pissed off ... I did have sena with LA PUPPET pero no comi mucho porque all those vendors filled me with their sweet and deep cosas ...

PUES sabes que ... the ice-cream trucks were safe and dry ... BUTT the competitive vendors had another pinche creative twist to add to their labor spirit ... simon ... umbrella cachucas ... hats ... simon ... a crown on their head with a wide size umbrella tied to that pinche princess crown ... it kept them dry and the huge clear plastic bag over their carts kept their goods nice and pinche dry ... I couldn't believe it ... I was impressed ...

I did ask the snow-cone vendor "on days like this, are you really glad you're here" ... in Chicano Spanish, of course ... his repsonse ... "if I wasn't here, you couldn't suck on my cone" ... TRUE ... que no ... I've been buying shit from this vato for some pinche time ... ever since he use to come around in his firme CHUNTARO OUTFIT ... simon, he'd come straight from the not-so-straight bars in the wildest polyester shirts, polyester pantelones or jeans, tacones, never tennis shoes, no belt ... almost an illegal BOBBY FLAY, if you can imagine that ... at that time, when he was a rookie vendor, he carried a flat pink board that was drilled with big fat peep-holes for cotton candy cones ... simon ... cotton candy flamer ... entonces he transitioned and is now a snow cone vaquero ...

BUTT anyways eses ... his cotton candy flamer position remains vacant, he said ... or I should say, there are openings for candy cane salespersonas ... and do you think they have an AFFIRMATIVE ACTION policy ... maybe ... but I'll never know ... chale ... therefore, do us a favor ... next time you see an unemployed gabacho or anti-immigrant body, tell him/her about the cotton candy sales position ... simon ... it's a sales position so pay is on a sliding scale ... si vendes nada, ganas nada ... if you sell a million units, you're doing good ... no car or car insurance required ... no dress code ... sexual harassment is not welcomed but if you can be a bitch for a few hours each day, you'll sell mas ... no background check ... no drug/alcohol test ... not even a diploma is needed ... simon ... tell them there's openings for those jobs ... simon ... tell them here's an opportunity to begin to take it all back ...

Ondale time for queso and all drinks TEQUILA ...

6 Comments:

At 12:44 PM, Anonymous Cholo's Vendor said...

Too funny Cholo!!! Dig your retro ropa!!! Muuuy sexxxy!!! Let's go dancing, ese!!

 
At 12:45 PM, Anonymous Sra. Lady Jane said...

Humpin'? Are you like me Cholo? Tu sabes, into Humpin'? Call me cabrone!!!

 
At 12:50 PM, Anonymous Native Americana Bonita said...

A vendor? What a goal!! Why when you can have me!!

 
At 12:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you dumped the Jose Solorio updates. He should be out there standing up for immigrant rights!!! NO ON SOLORIO, SO ON ALVAREZ!!

 
At 6:28 PM, Blogger Elenamary said...

man you are an amazing writer! you make me laugh and se me antojo comer tambien

 
At 2:54 PM, Blogger Barrio Marlon Brando said...

gracias elenamary ... firme nombre ... I'm fortunate to have food and pinche snacks 24/7 ... even if it has worms or is made en da bath-tub ... is cooked by a DISCO DUCK ... I don't take labour for granted ...

 

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