Monday, November 21, 2005

Where's the Beef ... (listening to Neil Diamond)

Ondale ... pues, we all know that there are TAMALES and there are TAMALEEES ... simon ... there's the sweet tamales with raisans and pineapple and nuts that are firme con cafe ... then there are pure gold tamals made from freshly ground corn and are a masterpiece to accomplish ... then there are the new and improved pinche Bobby Flay gourment cheese tamals which faltan sal ... then there are the original meat tamals ... pork or pollo with red or green salsa ... and of course many others ...

But there's also the tamals made by very generous families who are on a pinche budget or are just bad tamal makers ... simon ... these gente make the pinche infamous meatless meat tamales ... simon ... we've all had the pinche meatless meat tamal only to stare at each other around the pinche mesa after the first cut into the masa only to find an olive and 1 or maybe 2 strands of carne ... chingow ... as ninos we crack up and rag on primos whose mom's make these tamals sin carne ... simon ... as a matter of fact, around here, there are familias who are known for their generosity, humor , etc AND their pinche tamals sin carne ... and even in my family, chingow ... if we don't hit your house for the pinche holidays, it's probably because you make bad tamals ...

Pues ... I had my first tamal sin carne the other day ... simon ... a friend had me over for breakfast and we had the usual ... two tamals con huevos over-pinche-easy con cafe ... pues I cut in y NADA ... I cut in again and nada ... third time was a pinche charm cuz I found the pinche martini olive ... butt ... I was glad to be in good company but was cracking up inside knowing that I was also surrounded by freaky tamal makers .... and my homie could see it in my cara ... I have a horrible poker face tambien ...

Pues ... like most raza ... I just can't eat any pinche tamal ... chale ... I have allergic reactions to restaurant tamals even if the pinche lugar is owned by non-corporate Mexicanos ... I guess because restaurant tamals aren't tamals but tamal food ... and I don't enjoy potluck tamals ... chale ... shopfloor potluck tamals ... pues ... I just don't know where they've been ... chale ... and I don't need to go into white and blue wrapped marketa tamals that have been parked next to the pinche spanking bologna for pinche decades ... .

But that day I had two meatless tamals de puerco and one sweet one with my cafe ... I was there a couple hours then hit the road ... I saw my hermano an hour later and like a pinche loco le grite, "hey ... guess what I had today ..."

5 Comments:

At 9:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was hilarious. My gRandMa was one of those "meatless" tamale makers.

 
At 9:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My mother-in-law makes the meatless puerco ones. She also makes cheese and jalepeno ones which are great, compared to rubber that is!!

 
At 9:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cholo, you forgot the meal-in-one tamales from Latina America. They have a peice of pollo, rice, beans and much more inside. They scare my co-workers but they are soooo gooood!!!!!!!!

 
At 9:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The tamales de Latina America me dan osco. If there too big, I choke!

 
At 1:21 PM, Anonymous The Mexican said...

Best tamales in the worlds are made by those pinche Guatemalans at the bakery off First y Grand. Order the pache, putos!

 

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