Sunday, September 18, 2005

Welcome to sanTana labor ... ya vayase (listening to my screaming vecina)

Q-vo people ... people is perhaps one of my favorite palabras ... maybe cuz I once worked for the people (I was a twice a bureaucrat), and I think the people should organize as a special authority and govern hasta las chanklas with the first revolution at NBC to straighten out Furnell Chatman's tupae... tu sabes, he's cool and all and I've enjoyed him for years but his hair has got to go ... it's pinche creepy and this coming from a homie ...

But by now most of you have rec'd the 12tha Annual Best of OC People's Choice (of where to find great services brought to you by sanTana's Mexican residences) magazine from the OC Register ... yeah, yeah, yeah ... I'm not sure what purpose something like this People's Shoice Mag serves us tortilla people in sanTana ... I mean my quality test for rating this sort of Mag is to use my best skills and intuition and experiences and make one pinchi chi ball then jump in ... so I go down the pinche table of contents and there it is, that cutie with a brown tang top that reads "foxy lady" in gold ... Best Mexican Food ... and this year it's ... it's ... it's EL TORITO? ... do they serve Mex food there or is this how you folk prefer us to smell ... pinche OC ... at times you're worse than 909/951/619 combined! ... El Torito ... como dice Lloyd Benson ... I know Mexican Food ... Mexican Food is a friend ... El Torito ... you're no Mexican Food ... at best, El Torito is Mex food ideas on print or worse it's what Sandra Lee and her original bouncy boobs would semi-cook at your Mexican wedding ...

Second is Don Jose ... or Ricardo, Ricky, Dicky, Don Jose Tavee or whatever ... c'mon OC, leave OC and get out ... chingow gente, don't be fooled, it's part of the American Restaurant Assoc conspiracy ... DJ's is a Mexi food safety net ... tu sabes, just a drive away ... when bad food times are in, the DJ safety net kicks in ... like FEMA should have ...

... but the Mag was cool to flip through only ... so, the big question ... what is sanTana good for or best for ... according to the OC Reg ... cleaning shit, opening fucking doors, washing your pinche cars and installing new pinche windows and doors ... that's right... pinche OC ... I love you then I hate you ... you're a bigger cabrona than Aaron Spelling or Sherwood Schwartz could ever pinche create ... OC, OC, OC!! ...

That's right homies, 3rd best retired/assisted-living community in OC is SANtANA ... Town and Country Manor on Memory Lane in the good ole barrio of the jUSA ... hmmm ... y quien traba alli ... this place is aka, ma... pa ... hand over the loot or you're swimming with the mojados ... but there's good news, #1 place to volunteer in OC ... Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) on 17th street ... they do good work ... so son, volunteer than go visit ma and pa ...

Bowers made the list as best looking old bitch with great tits ... aka best museum and best art diplay ... yeah, Bowers is cool ... they're so cool we'll call them pinche culo ... they've chosen to pour a pinche parking lot over the home of El Centro, a dynamic cultural center for all ... just what we need ... more congestion to accomodate galleria planning and less culture for real economic development ... WWBHD ... what would Ben Hunter do ....

And sanTana is also #3 for best auto mall ... well this one's not bad, I guess ... we get the tax monies from auto sales but we still have to clean pinche tires, windows and pimp your cars out for the exchange ... OK this one barely passes ... I just have to tell myself it's a high priced car wash for pimps and hookers and their clientele ... doctors, lawyers, 007, corrupt cops and officials, drug dealers, you and me or whoever else drives them caballos ...

But this Mag can't always be about spending fidea because me cansa ... it needs to get more personal ... get into real things besides shopping ... maybe if they had best pelo ... that would be a little better and weirder and weird is OK ... well, that'd be signficant because hair is important to all ... it defines us they say ... OK, whatever ese ... but this award is easy ... hands down because it goes to sanTana Councilman Jose Solorio ... no te crees... he's got that bule bule, Little Richard, young Kissinger curl thang going on ... it's pinche shwinging hair ... this could be important in the 69th district race ... hair matters ... think Hahn, Dukakis and Dole ... then JFK, Reagan, Clinton, Delgadillo ... no, it's the hair menso ...

So sanTana isn't the place to spend the pinche day with la familia or the place to begin your counterfit coin collection ... our vendors aren't #1, 2 or 3 ... Mike's Place or Mainplace ain't the places to go ... que? ... puro pedo gente ... chale ... if OC Reg can't even pass the real Mex food test, then the Mag ain't the real cosa ... chale, she's just a broad who gives head under the table at Morton's ... any vendor aqui can get me anything in that Mag for less including vacacciones ... and even that will come out of his trunk ... oh and by the pinche way, men's clothing at Nordstrom's ... OK might be true but talk to Chato, he's a garage-tailor and a shade know-it-all who'll make you 2-3 pantalones with quality tela from Italy at that same price and he'll make you look endowed como loco ... he'll even sell you matching pinkie cosas ... te vas a ver muy suave, believe me ... chale, this aint' OC's best pick Mag ... chale ... it's nomas OC's paradise map to dollar, labor and shit stains ... orale ... Chato, this Corona's to you ...

14 Comments:

At 9:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What can you expect from the Register? Enjoying your blog, it's hilarious!

 
At 9:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious commentary! Cool stuff Cholo.

 
At 9:46 AM, Anonymous Solorio for the 69th said...

I thought the same while reading People's Choice. It's a joke, poor reporters.

 
At 9:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep them coming. You have some great stuff!

 
At 11:13 AM, Anonymous Flour is better said...

Hey Cholo, this is great stuff, we're cracking up downtown. I laughed as I read the People Shoice, minus Las Brisas, it's a junk read. You're right, El Centro got a raw deal! Shame on you SanTana! Solorio, what's your response to El Centro getting the boot and the possible demise of the OC Human Relations Commission?

 
At 11:18 AM, Anonymous Corn is healthier said...

Twice a bcat? Hey special district veterano, is this a Solorio page or what? He's poco centre. Seems like Cholo has a red, white and blue face.

 
At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Red, white and blue? Was he one of the mensos in Anaheim over the weekend?

 
At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldn't make Anaheim, I had choro. Menso Republicanos, when are they going to learn. Vote Steve Young!

 
At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Torts cure choro! said...

Six No, Two Yes. Vote NO 73-78. YES on 79,80. Or Alvarez, is that no sex!

 
At 11:40 AM, Anonymous Shakin my flan said...

Stop Arnold

Vote Steve Young

No 73-78

Simon 79,80

Vote Blue!

 
At 11:55 AM, Anonymous Como Nalgas Para Flan said...

Great pics Cholo, I love Palbo O'Higgins. Also love your cruising musica. Cholo's a true azul lefty! But I'm still voting Solorio!

 
At 12:08 PM, Anonymous Promise to use limon? said...

Fernell Chatman does need a make-over but I love Solorio's hair. I'm just turned-off with his knots. It's sad that Solorio can't get his arms around the fueding between SanTana's 16 de Sept planners and vendors. Shame on you Solorio, you're there to serve and protect not just sit the fence.

 
At 12:51 PM, Anonymous stain like melted butter said...

Cholo, what do you really have against Counilwomen Alvarez? Did she turn you down? Trim your hair, maybe she'll say yes. Don't count on it. Cruising is for losers!

 
At 5:09 PM, Blogger Barrio Marlon Brando said...

I have nothing against Councilwoman Claudia Alvarez. As a matter of fact I appreciate her calling a special meeting for Spansish speaking vendors to discuss sanTana's $3,000 vendor requirement. I wish her the best in the 69th race, she'll need it.

 

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