Thursday, August 04, 2005

Cada de Tu Padre (listening to Ralfi Pagan)

(This originally appeared on LA Craigslist, 8/04/05)

Orale homies, pues I guess it's that time to start our list, tu sabes, "firme homies" y tambien "tapados del mundo" lists. Pues why not homes... there's alot of gente que luchan then there's other ... ummm pues who don't know they have a pinche nopal on their pinche cola ... Hey, have you vatos checked out The Hill's 50 Most Beautiful People edition. Simon, The Hill's a pinche DC papel de pinche politicos, simon, it's nomas es un upgrade to your pinche HS ASB papel ... puro pedo but check it out to see where your pinche taxes go vatos!

Tambien, the new latino magazine Tu Ciudad's second edition lists the most hip latinos in eas los ... hey, did you vatos include Erik Estrada because lately, he's the only homie I see on TV todo el pinche tiempo, after Bob Vila (one pinche L nomas?)...

Pues here are the "firme vatos" ... por favor hold your applauso until all have rec'd his/her chain steering award - orale!

1. Villaraigosa ... hey, don't sigh cabrone, he's on a one name basis (como Arnold y la mariflora -not that this matters- Hillary) con nosotros ... tambien he's playing the media field todo trucha, before sworn in, settled a large strike between hotel campesinos and owners, swept DC recently to discuss nat'l security and transportation, handled the death of sonia's death by police pretty damn cool, and continues to build a loco local administration con firme credentials and getting the "simon ese" from "the gente" on both sides

2. Arte Moreno ..... eeehhhooo ... hey, this cool vato con sus lentes came into surfer OC barrio and took on un madre de dennis the menace politico, Anaheim Mayor Kurt Pringle ... hey, Pringle's tough, simon, former assembly member, speaker, todo ese, pues Arte rompio "Anaheim" out of the baseball team's culo y puso un pinche long and thin "Los Angeles" ... uummm, pues el Pringle puso sus khakis, camisa limpia, wore his Sunday Pendleton and rumbled con Moreno... so far Moreno's ahead ... what a message gente ... I really think it was Moreno's hair and lentes that did it and not his homies ... ondale!

3. OC Blog ... this may be a pinche shocker porque this eblog is poco chocante OC Register and I think the writers have Reagan photos in their centerfolds ... pero sabes que, these vatos did their tarea ... simon, OC waste management was paying this "management concultant" fidea up the culo (millions) por nada and the contract was given under the mesa, in between the red, white and blue pinche bandanas... these consultants tambien fue scary fanatics ...hey OC Blog was quick to chingar and take it up the ladder ... days later, the contract was dead and the jefito de general manager at WM was canned ... ondale OC Blog, I don't like all your politicos but your contactos son firme ... good work homies!

OK, pues, ahora the "pendejo del mundo" awards:

1. OCTA, this is who plans and pinche funds Orange County's calles and freeways ( and provides pinche buses). Pues, the federal transportation bill was approved and OC got nada ... nada ... I mean nada, hey Kern county got over $722 million, LA got $625 Million and OC, I believe the 5th biggest mocoso county in el nation got $100million, gente, in pubic dolares for streets, this is nada, this is the budget for one small hairy hillbilly city or for one pinche expensive ruca with false eyelashes... hey Loretta Sanchez, que paso, Chris Cox and the other homies... que paso ... ummm, pues until we get more fidea my blue winos aren't crossing those pinche calles ...

2. The Brits, hey, what's up with these "shoot to kill" policy tecates ... they were unfortunately bombed and now have placa rule, "shoot to kill even if you have the slightest pinche suspicion" and the first vato they murder fue de Argentina... hey, vatos, now they're saying multiculturism doesn't work ... que locos... Hey Brits, it's all about "Multiculturism, Villaraigosa Style." I think their paranoia will settle or I can recommend Blair to santana's best curandera!

3. Orange County DA's oficina, hey gente, a pinche cop pinned some vato between his black and white and another carucha... DA decided not to press charges ... hey this bullet brat placa has a history of menso behavior ... cuidado raza, we're all on his list and it's the DA's oficina acting like the DA's oficina ... hey, the sad part is that this will be further justified in the next OC sheriff's race in noviembre ... stop the brutality, the DA's and Sheriff's office need to develop community policing cultural competency style and gain the respect of the hard working gente, property owners, consumers, tax payers, voters, students, married gente, retired gente, gente en counseling, gente seeking help, superstars, and all these pinche roles that gente mainstream to and that make and give their barrios a sense of place - orale!

Ondale homies ... have it stright with no chaser on me.

Later and remember, the (Recycled) Cholo Knows!

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