Tuesday, July 19, 2005

All That Cash (listening to Lagrimas Negras)

(Originally appeared in OC Craigslist 7/19/05.)

Q-vo gente, hey, did you vatos hear, average price por una pinche casa in OC is $608,000, according to Jack Kyser, El Shorty de Barrio Los Angeles County Economic Development Corp - trese! Simon, while El Shorty won't recognize the fruits of LA's living wage ordinance as documented by David Fairris, Asst Dean y profesor de ecomomicas at UC Riverside and others, El Shorty is quick to say, your casas are your dreams! Simon, average price $608K, un pinche condo $440k, new casita con cortinas suave $725K. Ese Shorty, you forget to mention that minnie apartmentments en sanTana are near $2,000 por mes and all you're guaranteed is a short trip to St. Bros and roaches!

Pues, I guess that's firme news, que no, I mean, whoever thought when they purchased in 1970 for $20K that they'd be 1/2 pinche way to almonst living a pinche liberace dream? Simon, if you get a chance, cruise by OC today porque pues dollars are flying all over the mesa and that old man in santana suddenly has huge pockets llena de fidea, must be because I know he's not excited to see his vieja fea!

Simon, news like this gives la muerta a pinche hard on, vecinos are suddenly friendlier for a day, tv pinche crews are out interviewing Irma y Carlso de Pacas, Mr. and Mrs. Kettleson and Mr. Nguyen .. all who talk about their pinche Jimi Hendrix experience, simon, it's purple haze aqui, foxy lady ayi! La cosa es pues, it's all really a big pinche bright piggy bank from TJ just like tu mama te trajo years ago minutes before she crossed the vatos in green, simon, it's cash zig zag papeles.

Pues, how much is $600K really. Hey, one source to help us understand was in the LATimes Magazine on Sunday, simon, they had an article on Low Rider Magazine, simon these vatos ya stan todo corporte - ya se creen! But the article mentioned one dude who invested $30,000 or $30K to deck out his caddy, imagina eso, so according to these Chicanomics calculation we can give approx 20 vatos decked out carros at that loco $30K price tag. Hey, that's a pinche overnight car club! no sabean que LOS CLASSICS were millionaires and OLD TIMES tambien but twice over - orale!

Pues, we can also buy khakis for $24 cada uno for about 23,000 vatos. Hey, homes, we won't have enough patalones to fit the minnie apt aqui en santana so let's setting for baggy Target jeans, ponle $12 each. Orale, there we go, now we can fit 46,000 proud vatos. Hey eses, dress to impress!

We can apply the same numbers to white pinche t-shirts!

Then there's the pinche family member que tiene los quincieneras. Oakie doakie vato, at $20K cada uno, ummm pues my chicalculator says that about 30 papas crudos and about all of santana busy for every saturday in june!

Let's get more pinche serious, how about educacion! Orale, plan on about $50K for a public escuela como Cal, UCLA or even pinche Fullerton! Quieres Harvard, hay tu, se cree mucho ... why yuu cryin? Pues at $50K, we can send about young 12 gente. Not bad eses, just 2 conditions, dream big and make all the MEChA dances - orale!

Pues the truth is we should invest in a bigger crayon box, tu sabes ... we should get brown kapitalisma off the ground, start cafe industries and tan conglamerates, off-white monopolies and mocha banks, navajo lobby groups, vanilla law firms and oatmeal medical groups, rootbeer politicos and burtseana Chicanonomics and fuchee movie stars!!!!

Hey, don't frown gringo, we're just creating colors faster than crayola and tommy hilfiger, and we like choices just like everyone else ... I mean there's nothing wrong with more color selection at the Home Depot paint center, right ...

Ondale homies, to your riches and dreams and to my tequiltini.

Later, and remember, the (Recycled) Cholo Knows!

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